A letter to a Peshawar APS attack victim

Dear departed child,

You do not know who I am, you might never know who I am, but the whole world knows who you are. Your strength and bravery is something that has been talked about and discussed worldwide. Your story has broken thousands of hearts, if not millions. Your pictures with your friends have been shared on social media uncountable times. I look at those pictures, those laughing faces, those eyes filled with mischief, and wonder if you knew the tragic end that was going to befall you soon.

Today marks the first anniversary of the deadly terrorist attack on Peshawar APS, which not only took your life but took the life of your friends, acquaintances and school mates as well, not to mention teachers and guards who laid their lives in order to protect the kids of your school. Words fail me today – the incident seems just as heartbreaking after a year, as it did moments after hearing the news on 16^th December, 2014, if not more. Seeing people being murdered baselessly is something difficult to digest, but seeing an innocent soul like you being brutally killed is why I believe we have failed humanity and humanity has failed us.

Before I started to write this post, I thought of your family, about how your parents have had to bear the untimely loss of losing you. No father can ever imagine burying his kid when he’s your age, no mother can ever fathom a life where her son, the “laadla” of her life, is buried 6 feet under the ground. I thought about your siblings, how they deal with life without having you to pick fights with, without you to love and defend, and without you to play with them. I thought about how your friends feel when they miss you, when they think of giving you a call only to realize you’re not there. If my thoughts shattered my heart into a million pieces, I can’t even begin to imagine how your family is actually going through this loss every second of every day from now till their end.

Today, Pakistan is in mourning. Every person in Pakistan is mourning for you. Protests, vigils, moments of silence are being carried out as I write this letter to you. Some are praying for your families, some are trying to vent out their anger through social media and blogs and others are ready to avenge your blood through the might of the pen, through the action of educating the illiterate masses of Pakistan. We’re all in this together. We’re all avenging your blood together – through our pens that are our swords in this battle against terrorism and illiteracy.

But there is one question that keeps nagging me every now and then – why are we glorifying the massacre where you lost your life along with 140 others? Why are we talking about bravery, pride and courageousness when you were sent to school to study, not sent to war to fight the enemy? Why has it been said over and over again that the parents of the victims should stop crying, hold their head up high and be proud of their children? Had they known they were sending you to school to die, they would have hidden you in a vault and would have never let you go outside. Had they known, they would have homeschooled you. Had they known, they would have laid their own lives in order to protect yours.

We can hold protests demanding the government to take action on terrorists. We can hold vigils for the 141 souls lost. We can change our profile pictures to show solidarity to you. We can mourn this terrible loss for decades – or we can get up and make you proud. We can make sure that education is provided to every child. We can make sure that every child is able to read and write and that they have books and pens. We can make sure that no such incident ever happens again. We can make sure that no child is ever scared of going to school.

To you, my child, my dear beloved child, I say this: We have learnt our lesson. We will not fail you. We will not let you down. We, along with millions of Pakistanis, will make sure that all children have the right to get education. Your death will not be in vain. Your blood will be avenged – but it will never be through hatred. No, we will not let these terrorists weaken us with hatred. We’ll remember you every single day and remember to avenge your blood through peace, love and education. And one day, I hope we will be able to make you proud.

Stay happy in Heaven and smile, my child, for you are now a constant in the prayers of the nation. We will never forget you. But it’s not just the dead we will remember; we will remember the survivors too. We will remember the affected families and friends too. We will never forget what we have lost. We will never forget these innocent faces. We will never forget this terrible tragedy. We will never forget.

16.12.2014 – the date etched into the minds of the nation.

Sincerely,

A Pakistani who has failed you.